Understanding Domestic Violence
Many people think of domestic violence only in terms of visible injuries like black eyes or bruises. In reality, domestic violence is a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors that abusers use to gain and maintain control over their intimate partners.
Even the most resilient victims face numerous barriers when trying to escape the abuse. Beyond the very real threat of harm—or even death—to themselves or their children, survivors must also deal with serious financial, emotional, and practical hardships. Many also struggle with cultural or religious values that emphasize keeping families together, and often encounter justice or social service systems that do not always provide the safety or support they need.
For people who have never experienced abuse, it can be hard to understand why someone doesn’t simply leave or how the abuse can continue for years. Relationships rarely start out abusive. Love, affection, and connection often come first, making it difficult to recognize when control and violence begin to take hold. Abusive relationships are also not violent all the time. There are moments when the survivor is reminded of the person they first fell in love with—moments the abuser uses to maintain control.
Survivors sometimes express confusion about the unpredictable nature of the violence they experience. To them, the abuse may seem random or impulsive. In truth, domestic violence is neither random nor accidental—it is a deliberate pattern of behavior designed to gain power and control. Abusers use a range of tactics—physical, sexual, psychological, and emotional—to dominate their partners and limit their freedom.
Adapted from Understanding and Responding to Domestic Violence, Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
Now What?
The unknown can feel overwhelming — and that’s okay. What happens next is your decision, and we want you to know that you have options.
If you choose to leave, we can walk you through that process. We’ll help explain what it might look like, connect you with resources, and support you as you make each step toward safety.
If you choose to stay, that decision is also yours — and we will not judge you. Our priority is your safety, no matter what you decide. We’re here to make sure you have information, resources, and a plan to keep yourself and your loved ones as safe as possible.
While we cannot make decisions for you, we can help you create a safety plan tailored to your situation. Whether you stay or leave, having a plan can make a difference.
The following pages offer resources to help you prepare for your next steps. If you have any questions or need to talk through your options, please reach out to us — we are here for you.
